Many of my clients and church members hate Thanksgiving and Christmas. I understand why…the constant reminders that loved ones are gone often trigger sadness and anger. So, we frequently talk about how to survive the emotional rollercoaster ride of the holidays. Here are a few of the ideas we have worked out together that we find helpful.
It’s okay to be sad around Christmas. Our feelings of sadness are normal because of the nostalgia that comes when we relive memories. A capacity for sadness, like other emotions, is an essential part of who we are. It is a good gift from God.
When we hear insensitive comments like, “You’re not over that yet? Come on, it’s Christmas! Turn that frown upside down!” we get really angry. To get over it, we remind ourselves that there is no right way to grieve. Sometimes we need to be around people to find comfort; at other times we prefer to be alone. Mourning happens at its own pace and cannot be rushed.
In our grief, we tend to become self-centered. Helping others takes our minds off our problems. We like to give money to the Food Bank, donate to Habitat for Humanity, take things to the Rescue Mission, and buy Toys for Tots.
As with all stressful times, it is important to eat healthily (cut down on caffeine & alcohol, for example), get enough sleep (the biggest influence on mental health), exercise regularly (even walking helps), be with nurturing friends & family (even when they drive us nuts), and pay attention to one’s spiritual needs (faith and peace go together).
Another coping strategy I use is to structure open-ended times. When I plan to stay until a certain hour at a friend’s house, the idea of closure lowers my anxiety. When I anticipate a long time alone that may be uncomfortable, I schedule an activity to fill it, such as going to a movie, planting something in the yard, or baking homemade bread. A great way to manage sadness is to set aside a specific time to be tearful. During that half hour or hour, I sit in a quiet place and intentionally try to grieve. It helps!
Finally, it helps us to be mindful that December 25 will come and go, no matter what we do. It will pass. Whether we walk or not, journal or not, cry or not, January 1, 2014 will come. We will make it through.
Rev. Robert L. Cooke, D.Min.
December 2013
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